Why you shouldn't date an Avenger
by somewhere-far-enough
Summary: The Avengers and the downside of dating them. Probably not enough humour, but hey, I try! Quite short, probably include Loki and Fury in the later chapters. Please R & R :)
1. Steve Rogers Captain America

**Hello again!**

**I got the idea for this after I read an article on the Internet.**

**Disclaimer; I only own my wild imagination.**

**Enjoy :D**

**Steve Rogers/ Captain America**

Baby blue eyes, neat blond hair, tall and muscular. He is plain hot, and managed to pull off even military uniform and star-spangled tights. Down-to-earth, all that jazz. He got those gentleman manners and sweet 1940's attitude that put modern men to shame. He saved New York from the extraterrestrial attack. He used to be weak and frail, so he knew the value of strength and he hates bullies. Endearingly awkward around women and respects them greatly. He even used fondue to avoid saying you-know-what. Steve is well-respected too –look at how hard Coulson was fanboying! And his shield? He could protect you from danger anytime with it.

_So, what's the problem?_

Well, he is literally from 1940 and was frozen conveniently in the ice for what, seventy years? Which means he is actually ninety-something years old in the present. That makes him totally out of touch with today's technology, and he might not call, text or email you because he struggles to unlock his smartphone's screen. A date with him would be like spending weekends with your grandfather –teaching them how to use cell phone and laptop and explaining pop-culture, only he is a very good-looking grandfather. He is famous superhero, and dating him won't be easy; he will be away to save the world and the possibility for you to get kidnapped by his enemies is very high. He has the potential to stood you up on your first date –for seventy years at the most.

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**I hope you guys like it :)**

***I'm open for suggestion for other characters :) Reviews please :)**


	2. Tony Stark Iron Man

**Disclaimer; I own none of the Avengers. Just my wild imagination.**

**Tony Stark/ Iron Man**

Before I say anything, he already said it himself; Genius, billionaire, playboy and philanthropist. No need to worry about your safety –he could pay fifty men to be your bodyguard if necessary, even better _he_ would protect you. He's handsome, charismatic with exceptional sense of humor –remember all his funny one-liners- that could charm your pants off. His taste in music is just as awesome as Dean Winchester and he could give a lecture about mechanical engineering when he was drunk like a skunk. He even has a monument built to the skies with his name plastered on it.

_So, what's the problem?_

Again, before I said anything, Tony Stark had beaten me to it. Volatile, self-obsessed and don't play well with others. He also has this major alcoholic problem and don't like to be handed things. Chances are, if you go shopping for groceries or anything, he will leave you to suffer carrying all the stuff alone. He's prone to do reckless thing on regular basis such as sending off a nuclear to another portal. The habit worsen when he's dying. If by chance you managed to date him, get ready to face the tantrums of his previous scandals at your wedding. Oh, and all of your hard works of keeping him in line will be credited with only be credited 12% and an argument could be made for fifteen.

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**I am open for suggestion ! Reviews please :)**


	3. Bruce Banner Hulk

**It's Brucie! I know I've got another story to complete, but the idea just won't leave my mind :P**

**I do not own anything, just my (rather wild) imagination.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Bruce Banner/ Hulk**

Bruce Banner is as sweet as a puppy, and is honest about his vulnerability. He got those sexy, sexy doctor skills and looks good in the purple shirt of sex. His works in anti-electron collision is unparalleled and Tony is a big fan of the way he loses control into an enormous green rage monster. He gained peace of mind by just helping others, isn't that sweet? He's genius, nobody know gamma radiation like he does. One time Captain America said "Is that what just happened?" after Bruce and Tony got into their science bro mode, it was awesome.

_So what's the problem?_

Didn't I mention he could turn into a green rage monster? Yep, he does that when he's angry and he is _always_ angry. He even broke Harlem once. Even a lethal assassin like Natasha Romanoff is afraid of him. You have to work hard to keep him calm and assure him his condition is rather a blessing than a curse. You've got to make sure anything dangerous that could be used as weapon is well-hidden in your house, because historically speaking; Bruce tried to kill himself once. If by chance he turns to Hulk, get prepared to run and call Tony Stark. Also, get ready for a new look of your apartment the next morning and a very naked Bruce who would probably ask you if he hurt anyone.

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**Any suggestions for another characters?**

**Reviews please? With cherry on top :D**


	4. Thor Odinson

**Thor Odinson**

He's a god with luscious blond hair that rivaled Barbie. Built like a brick, sparkly blue eyes, brave, and he has his magical hammer –Mjolnir (or MewMew if you were Darcy Lewis). A real ladies' man too, and his alcohol tolerance could beat anyone on earth. He's protective of his family and Asgard.

_So, what's the problem?_

Face it, he's a god. He just going to live forever and look youthful while you shrivel up and die. He also has this temper problem –which was the main reason why he was banished to the earth. He also has this tense relationship with his adoptive brother, Loki which easily makes you a target to revenge on Thor. Not to mention, you've got to stock up your Pop-tarts regularly, seeing his borderline obsession on them. Plus, you've to watch him while he eats, because you know, when he likes the food or drinks, he tends to smash the cups or plates on the floor.

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**Review please !**


	5. Clint Barton Hawkeye

**THANKS FOR YOUR FOLLOW, FAVORITES AND REVIEWS *THROWING VIRTUAL SHAWARMA* I LOVE YOU GUYS !**

**Disclaimer; I own none of the Avengers, just my (rather wild) imagination.**

**Enjoy!**

**Clint Barton/ Hawkeye**

How do I begin to explain Clint Barton? His arms are sexy in a way that defines arm-porn. He has the sexy archery skills, and an expert in martial arts, strategy and acrobat – a complete package as a spy-assassin, don't you think? I hear he once convince the Black Widow to join SHIELD after she got in SHIELD's radar… in a bad way. He can fly the jet and stated it was his genuine pleasure to kill the Chitauri. He can see better from the distance. His expertise in archery is so awesome that he nailed his target without even looking at it, it was awesome.

_So what's the problem?_

Remember how the Black Widow dressed up for a mission and play her actress card? That's what Clint does at SHIELD. Dressing up, putting up some James Bond act. He has the history of being Loki's flying monkey –if you got the reference like Captain America did and terribly hating himself for the thing he did without his volition. If you're afraid of height, he's totally not an option. Clint Barton wouldn't be called Hawkeye if it wasn't his love for absurdly high places. If you realize he'd been gone for most days, _just remember that he's up in his nest, as usual_. He could be stalking you after your breakup, and you won't even notice him, because a) he can see better from the distance and b) well, the perks of being a spy. Oh, and he's actually in love with Natasha Romanoff, whose perfection is quite tough to beat, if you happen to woo him.

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**Reviews please!**


	6. Natasha Romanoff Black Widow

**I'm so happy I updated two chapters!**

**I own none of the Avengers, just my wild imagination :)**  
**Enjoy.**

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**Natasha Romanoff/ Black Widow**

Russian redhead spy with vodka in her blood and curves like you wouldn't believe. She's flexible, figuratively and literally, being a spy-assassin and an accomplished gymnast. Intellectually, physically and emotionally trained for the life of spy-assassin livelihood and biologically weapon of both mass destruction _and_ seduction. Danger warning aside; she is the sensual redhead most guys would die for a night.

_So, what's the problem?_

Start with the obvious, there's a reason why she's called the Black Widow. Remember the lady spider that eats her partner after an intercourse? Got it? Move along then. If you could handle the jealousy as she seductively made her way to accomplish her mission, then congratulations. But that's not the only problem. As a spy-assassin, she probably got herself some enemies that capable to pay a visit once in a while that highly involve kidnapping. Any publicly-known significant other that is not capable to protect himself is just a burden for her. She might even left you to be tortured in considerable amount of time, seeing her philosophy that _love is for children_. The reason why she is dating you in the first place could be because she owes you a debt. She is a spy after-all, if you break her heart –which I suggest you think twice before doing it- Natasha is perfectly and highly capable of killing you in fifty different ways that leave no evidence behind.

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**I've finished with the Avengers! And because I am a part of Loki's army, as much as I am Iron Man/ Tony Stark's fangirl, there'll be a bonus chapter for Loki.**

**Stay tuned.**

**Next-up, bonus; Loki.**


	7. Loki Laufeyson

**Hello again. As usual I own nothing except for my imagination.**

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**Loki Odinson Laufeyson**

Loki is a qualified candidate if Disney wanted to make a new movie –with him as the prince. Emerald green eyes –check. Lush locks of dark hair –check. Smile that lit up the dark side of the moon and cheekbones so sharp you could cut yourself from slapping him –check and check. Can ride a horse with a tongue of a poet. His voice is angelic. What else? He is a prince with intelligence and strength –though he's not as strong as Thor. Honestly said, there's over a thousand fangirls (and boy, if there is) that would offer themselves to help Loki redeem himself. Universally believed, Loki is just a lost puppy that needs a lot of love.

_So what's the problem?_

Forget the eyes and the lady-killer smile. He killed eighty-people in two days. He might not even blink to kill you. Loki is just a sadistic psychopath who wants everyone to kneel for him if you can look past the good looks. He's the God of Mischief and Lies so don't expect him to be honest 99.9% of the time. Speaking mythologically, his sexual preference is not clear -Loki is known to mate with a horse, giants and whatnot. Ew. Is his glorious purpose compensate for the future hardship you will face as his children's –a giant wolf, an eight-legged horse, a snake and a half dead girl- stepmother?

**To ;**

**macy-terreth, MysteryGal5, Hera, CrystalShardsOfRain, Unknownnobody32 2, Guest 2, Morgan, I Am Number 14 , TheObsessiveFreak and The Madrigal**

**Thanks for the reviews. I love you guys :D thanks for supporting this story, to those who follows and favorite it. Also thanks to the silent readers. Loki should be the end :( I hope this story won't stop you guys from planning to date the Avengers + Loki :P hehehehehe**

***THROWING AROUND SOME SHWARMA* I LOOOVE YOU GUYS! EVEN WORDS CANNOT EXPLAIN MY HAPPINESS.**

**-N **


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